Life ~ Rethinking one's Faith

How many Christians have that moment where they are forced to rethink their fundamental beliefs? First understand my roots: I grew up in a Conservative Christian home in the south. Right in the middle of the bible belt. There's no way someone could drive to work without passing by one around here unless they took the effort to circumvent those roads. Now that I have location covered now about my home life.

My dad was always in the background just working hard to provide for the family. My mom was the one always around loving and disciplining her children. Everything I believe about God was pretty much instilled into me every day. It wasn't until I was 16 that I renewed my faith in the Lord as a TRUE believer instead of a son brainwashed by his mother. Harsh language but really I only "believed" because I grew up around Him. It took time for me to have my own experience and so I grew up with constant doubts in Him, myself, and others. There are few times in my life I have ever felt safe and I still do not for my secret eats away at me every time I'm around my family.

Advice to everyone: Don't believe on hearsay. Read the Bible yourself! Use other resources to help yourself come to understand the Bible if reading and prayer aren't enough. Keep in mind each book within the bible were written in different time periods by different men. Scholars still have some debates on the translation and some crucial little tidbits like authorship, year, etc.

I think I'll stop here. No one's reading. I hope none do. Funny how I can be open to tell to online strangers but not on my journal that nobody reads...

EDIT: pfft nevermind!

I guess I'll say the secret now: I'm a Christian and gay. Are these two things compatible? Possibly more than you think if you thought the same thing I did. I'm only 20 so those 5 years of denial and increasing internal struggle are finally done with. I can actually grow closer to God in my walk without this self-hatred and fear of rejection from him. I've not told anyone  in real life yet (sort of). My family's pain from this news is what I fear. But that's a story that may or may not be put onto this blog. Either way if someone wants to hear (either out of good-natured curiosity or for more personal reasons) I'm certainly willing to share it through private messages.